The "3 Fs" of Effective Parenting

Discipline should be:

• Firm: Consequences should be clearly stated and then adhered to when the inappropriate behavior occurs.
  
• Fair: The punishment should fit the crime. Also in the case of recurring behavior, consequences should be stated in advance so the child knows what to expect. Harsh punishment is not necessary. Using a simple Time Out can be effective when it is used consistently every time the behavior occurs. Also, use of reward for a period of time like part of a day or a whole day when no Time Outs or maybe only one Time Out is received.
  
• Friendly: Use a friendly but firm communication style when letting a children know they have behaved inappropriately and let them know they will receive the "agreed upon" consequence. Encourage them to try to remember what they should do instead to avoid future consequences. Work at "catching them being good" and praise them for appropriate behavior.

Suggestions For Improving Communication With Children

• Avoid dead-end questions.  Ask children the kinds of questions that will extend interaction rather than cut it off.  Questions that require a yes or no or right answer lead a conversation to a dead end.  Questions that ask children to describe, explain, or share ideas extend the conversation.

• Extend conversation.  Try to pick up a piece of your child's conversation.  Respond to his or her statements by asking a question that restates or uses some of the same words your child used.  When you use children's own phrasing or terms, you strengthen their confidence in their conversational and verbal skills and reassure them that their ideas are being listened to and valued.

• Share your thoughts.  Share what you are thinking with your child.  For instance, if you are puzzling over how to rearrange your furniture, get your child involved with questions such as, "I'm not sure where to put this shelf.  Where do you think would be a good place?"

• Observe signs.  Watch the child for signs that it is time to end a conversation.  When a child begins to stare into space, give silly responses, or ask you to repeat several of your comments, it is probably time to stop the exchange.

• Reflect feelings.  One of the most important skills good listeners have is the ability to put themselves in the shoes of others or empathize with the speaker by attempting to understand his or her thoughts and feelings.  As a parent, try to mirror your children's feelings by repeating them.  You might reflect a child's feelings by commenting, "It sounds as if you're angry at your math teacher."  Restating or rephrasing what children have said is useful when they are experiencing powerful emotions that they may not be fully aware of.

• Help clarify and relate experiences.  As you listen, try to make your child's feelings clear by stating them in your own words.  Your wider vocabulary can help children express themselves as accurately and clearly as possible and give them a deeper understanding of words and inner thoughts.